The more I read the Five Love Languages book, the more I realize, this book is for everyone. It’s not just for those who want to be married. Or those who are dating. Or those who are married. It is for the sister, the brother, the aunt, the uncle, the mom, the dad, and even the friends. Again I urge each of you to go and pick up this book because it can help you with every relationship in your life!
Chapter 3 focuses on words of affirmation. This chapter was very insightful, but at the same time, it was a struggle for me. I was raised with tough love, and not very many words of affirmation were spoken, and therefore, it is hard for me to speak this language. I don’t know how to and when I try, it feels so out of place. When my fiancé and I were working thru some issues the other day, it dawned on me that I don’t tell him how much he means to me very often. Realizing this was a slap in the face. If I can’t tell someone how much they mean to me, will they assume that I don’t care that much about them? Honestly, I don’t want to risk this. So when it came to this chapter, I took notes.
Chapman states that there are 3 different forms of words of affirmation: Encouragement, praise, and kind words. I believe now that it is important to encourage someone to do something. Help them believe that they can achieve. And when they can, tell them how great they did! I know there are a lot of women out there that need to hear that they are beautiful on a regular basis. I know that many of us just ignore those women and tell them to quit fishing for compliments. But we are all different and I think that we need to be more sensitive to the needs of those around us.
In this chapter, Chapman speaks of a man who had many failed relationships because after a while the girls got tired of feeling like they didn’t mean anything to him. His question to Chapman was, what do I do? Chapman asked about his relationship with his parents and that is where he started. Chapman gave the man 3 tasks that would help him to learn to speak words of affirmation. These tasks are also ones that I am challenging myself to do, and I am also challenging each of you.
Task1. Start where you are-- practice using words of affirmation on those who are already in your life.
2. Be active, not passive-- the choice to love is the choice to take initiative.
3. Choose a strategy for loving or expressing love--verbalize the truth. Love stimulates love.
Even though “Words of Affirmation” may not be your love language, Mr. Chapman expresses the importance in learning to speak each of the languages. I know this chapter alone really challenged me, and I hope that you will take a look into your own life and let it challenge you.
Thoughts and Challenges1. To what degree did you receive words of affirmation from your parents?
2. Do you find it easy or difficult to speak words of affirmation to your parents? Why?
3. If you find it difficult, is it time for you to take the initiative to express words of affirmation to your parents?
4. How freely do you express words of affirmation in other relationships?
5. Is there a relationship you would like to enhance? Do you think speaking words of affirmation would be meaningful to that person?
6. What is your response to the statement that words of affirmation “can be learned”?
7. Write an affirming handwritten note to someone in your life today. Specifically consider how to include the dialects of encouragement, praise and kind words as you write.
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