2010-So Many Lessons

Each of our lives has its ups and downs. The same can be said about each year. As I look back on life I can say that this past year has had the best ups, and the worst downs. There are many things I regret, but at the same time, I am so thankful that I am a child of the almighty God who has blessed me so much!

This past year has taught me so many things. I feel like I’ve grown in so many ways and learned many things (probably too many things). I’ve learned that love is respect. If there is no respect, love will be lost in the end. I’ve learned what it’s like to lose someone that you had made your whole life. I’ve learned what it feels like to lose someone that you didn’t even know, but had somehow grown so very attached to. I’ve learned that you can’t run from God. I’ve learned it’s harder to forgive yourself than to have God forgive you. And even more importantly, I’ve learned how to love and to be love again.

Each of our lives has its ups and downs. The same can be said about each year. As I look back on life I can say that this past year has had the best ups, and the worst downs. There are many things I regret, but at the same time, I am so thankful that I am a child of the almighty God who has blessed me so much!

This past year has taught me so many things. I feel like I’ve grown in so many ways and learned many things (probably too many things). I’ve learned that love is respect. If there is no respect, love will be lost in the end. I’ve learned what it’s like to lose someone that you had made your whole life. I’ve learned what it feels like to lose someone that you didn’t even know, but had somehow grown so very attached to. I’ve learned that you can’t run from God. I’ve learned it’s harder to forgive yourself than to have God forgive you. And even more importantly, I’ve learned how to love and to be love again.

There have been so many great people in my life who have helped me when I finally cried out for help. (Which, wow, that is hard to do if you are a proud person.) Without these individuals, I’d probably still be wandering aimlessly around and still screwing up my life.

But you know what, I am ready for 2011! I have just been hired for 2 jobs, I am engaged to the most amazing man, and I am working on my relationship with God! I am ready to get out of debt and learn to be a good wife to my man. I can’t wait to share my special day with all those who have touched my life in some way or another! “I can see clearly now the rain is GONE!”

I can’t end this little blurb without a big thank you to my Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus. Even when I had done so many things that went against his will and plan for my life, even when I tried to run and hide, and even when I pushed him away because I felt like I wasn’t enough for him… He STILL took me back! Our God is so amazing, and merciful!

Heavenly Father,
God, I thank you for everything you have done for me. God, I can not say that enough. You are so amazing! I thank you for the opportunity to have another year. A new year that I can serve you with all that I have and all that I am. As this new year begins, I ask that you give me the strength that I need these next few days. Hold me close to you and whisper your promises in my listening ears. Hold the one that I lost and take good care of him till I can see him again. Help me to be that light that makes other’s wonder what makes me shine so… and that my life will point solely to You. I continue to ask your blessings on my life and the lives of those around me. Guide us and direct us in the ways of your will. I pray this in your precious holy name, Jesus Christ. Amen.


But you know what, I am ready for 2011! I have just been hired for 2 jobs, I am engaged to the most amazing man, and I am working on my relationship with God! I am ready to get out of debt and learn to be a good wife to my man. I can’t wait to share my special day with all those who have touched my life in some way or another! “I can see clearly now the rain is GONE!”

I can’t end this little blurb without a big thank you to my Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus. Even when I had done so many things that went against his will and plan for my life, even when I tried to run and hide, and even when I pushed him away because I felt like I wasn’t enough for him… He STILL took me back! Our God is so amazing, and merciful!

Heavenly Father,
God, I thank you for everything you have done for me. God, I can not say that enough. You are so amazing! I thank you for the opportunity to have another year. A new year that I can serve you with all that I have and all that I am. As this new year begins, I ask that you give me the strength that I need these next few days. Hold me close to you and whisper your promises in my listening ears. Hold the one that I lost and take good care of him till I can see him again. Help me to be that light that makes other’s wonder what makes me shine so… and that my life will point solely to You. I continue to ask your blessings on my life and the lives of those around me. Guide us and direct us in the ways of your will. I pray this in your precious holy name, Jesus Christ. Amen.

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The Five Love Languages Quest-Chapter 3- 12/30/2010

The more I read the Five Love Languages book, the more I realize, this book is for everyone. It’s not just for those who want to be married. Or those who are dating. Or those who are married. It is for the sister, the brother, the aunt, the uncle, the mom, the dad, and even the friends. Again I urge each of you to go and pick up this book because it can help you with every relationship in your life!

Chapter 3 focuses on words of affirmation. This chapter was very insightful, but at the same time, it was a struggle for me. I was raised with tough love, and not very many words of affirmation were spoken, and therefore, it is hard for me to speak this language. I don’t know how to and when I try, it feels so out of place. When my fiancé and I were working thru some issues the other day, it dawned on me that I don’t tell him how much he means to me very often. Realizing this was a slap in the face. If I can’t tell someone how much they mean to me, will they assume that I don’t care that much about them? Honestly, I don’t want to risk this. So when it came to this chapter, I took notes.


Chapman states that there are 3 different forms of words of affirmation: Encouragement, praise, and kind words. I believe now that it is important to encourage someone to do something. Help them believe that they can achieve. And when they can, tell them how great they did! I know there are a lot of women out there that need to hear that they are beautiful on a regular basis. I know that many of us just ignore those women and tell them to quit fishing for compliments. But we are all different and I think that we need to be more sensitive to the needs of those around us.

In this chapter, Chapman speaks of a man who had many failed relationships because after a while the girls got tired of feeling like they didn’t mean anything to him. His question to Chapman was, what do I do? Chapman asked about his relationship with his parents and that is where he started. Chapman gave the man 3 tasks that would help him to learn to speak words of affirmation. These tasks are also ones that I am challenging myself to do, and I am also challenging each of you.
Task1. Start where you are-- practice using words of affirmation on those who are already in your life.
2. Be active, not passive-- the choice to love is the choice to take initiative.
3. Choose a strategy for loving or expressing love--verbalize the truth. Love stimulates love.

Even though “Words of Affirmation” may not be your love language, Mr. Chapman expresses the importance in learning to speak each of the languages. I know this chapter alone really challenged me, and I hope that you will take a look into your own life and let it challenge you.

Thoughts and Challenges1. To what degree did you receive words of affirmation from your parents?
2. Do you find it easy or difficult to speak words of affirmation to your parents? Why?
3. If you find it difficult, is it time for you to take the initiative to express words of affirmation to your parents?
4. How freely do you express words of affirmation in other relationships?
5. Is there a relationship you would like to enhance? Do you think speaking words of affirmation would be meaningful to that person?
6. What is your response to the statement that words of affirmation “can be learned”?
7. Write an affirming handwritten note to someone in your life today. Specifically consider how to include the dialects of encouragement, praise and kind words as you write.

Jesus, All for Jesus-- 12/8/2010

                As we were singing a song tonight at church, I realized that I needed to take a break tonight from the Five Love Languages blogs.  I feel like God has really laid this on my heart and I do feel that it is a very important message.  As you read this, I pray that you will be open and honest with yourself.  Be transparent and let yourself see if you are the person that I may mention in this little blurb.

                The song that started this whole thing is called “Jesus, All for Jesus”. Until I began attending my current church, I had not heard this song.  But I have been so blessed to have come to know it.  Here are the lyrics.

                Jesus, all for Jesus
                All I am and have,
                and ever hope to be.

                All of my ambitions,
                hopes and plans.
                I surrender these
                into your hands.

                For it’s only in Your
                will that I am free.
                For it’s only in Your
                will that I am free.

Although I say that I am glad I have come to learn this song, I realized tonight that I had not totally been able to wrap my mind about what the song was saying.  Then tonight, for some reason, it all made sense.  Suddenly I understood what meant about being free and how I could become free.

The song can be looked at like this.  Section one (or verse one), is step one.  It is a yearning.  We have to have a yearning, a desire to want to follow God, to seek Him.  We have to have that desire to want to be everything to Jesus.  To want to give everything to Jesus.  Section two (or verse two), likewise, is step two.  Step two is the actual giving of everything to God.  Saying, “God, I want you to take everything.  I take everything I have ever wanted and I want You to have it.  Do what You will with my life.”  This itself is a very powerful section of the song.  Letting go of everything you have wanted, have planned, and giving it all to God.  Section three (or the chorus), is the results of step 1+step 2.  The result is essentially freedom.

I was recently confronted by a friend saying that they had given God everything once before, but God just abandoned then.  What part of “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deu. 31:6) do you not understand?  Here’s the kicker though.  Like in verse two where the song talks about giving all of our “ambitions, hopes and plans”, that doesn’t say, “some of my ambitions, hopes and plans”.  If we only give God the parts of our lives that are easy to give, that only results in chaos, uncertainty, and essentially, bondage.  In Revelations 3:16 God says, “So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth.”  God is serious about this.  You can’t have one foot in the kingdom and one foot in the world.  It doesn’t work that way.  We live in the world, but that does not mean we have to be part of it.  Unfortunately some are not willing to give God everything.  Then I have to wonder, why do they expect God to give them everything?

Some people feel that if they give God everything then they become “bible thumpers” or “holy rollers”.  They don’t want to have all these rules and regulations and mainly they are just afraid of being restricted.  But this is where the chorus comes in when it says, “for it’s only by Your will that I am free”.  I  am personally seeing this to be so true in my life.  When I was living outside of God’s will, I felt trapped.  I felt stuck in a life, in a stereotype that I couldn’t get out of.  Yes, it may be fun for a while, but then it starts to take over us.  (And many times this is where the depression comes in.)  God has a plan for our lives as stated in Jeremiah 29:11.  Many people think this means that God has every detail of our lives planned out, but I believe this to be talking about the plan that God has had for each one of us since day one of the creation of man.  The plan for man to walk to God and for God to give each one of us a future.  Does this mean that God is going to give us long life or a nice place or a great job?  I don’t know.  That is God’s department, not mine.  But I do know that God has the plan for us to spend eternity with Him if we will only let Him lead us.  (And again, I mean actually lead us.  Not just letting Him lead part of our lives)

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m tired of not being on fire for God.  And I think the only way that we can become on fire for God is to have yearning.  That yearning is the fire place, the giving is the wood, and the freedom is that fire!  If we keep giving all of ourselves and not try to take anything back away from God, this fire will NEVER go out.  It will always keep our souls warm, all the while attracting new believers to Christ.

When we can give God everything and let Him lead us, there is a power that we have.  Many of you know the classic hymn Power in the Blood.  What does the chorus of that song say?  “There is power, power, wonder-working power.  In the blood of the lamb.  There is power, power, wonder-working power in the precious blood of the lamb.”  This is the power that we have when we give God everything!  You want this power?  Give God everything.  Don’t just give God your weekends or maybe the occasional Wednesday.  Give Him your mornings, your thoughts, your evenings, your joys, your burdens.  Give Him absolutely everything and feel that freedom that it gives you.  Let yourself be free.  Have that power through Jesus Christ.  Be an overcomer.  Be able to praise God and say, “for it’s only in Your will that I am free”.

The Five Love Languages Challenge- Chpt 2- 12/6/2010

                I realized tonight that some people may not think this book is for them.  I mean, love?  Who needs love?  Love is for those fairy-tale, twilight, Disney princess people, right?  Wrong.  Because each one of us in a relationship to at least someone somewhere, we still love to an extent and we still want love.  Just because you are not into the mushy “love”, that does not mean that you do not love or that you don’t want to be loved.

                Chapter two talks briefly about parents loving, or not loving their children and I really wanted to talk about that.  When you hear people say that someone went “looking for love in the wrong places”, maybe it’s because they didn’t receive love in the “right” places.  Parents, I challenge you to learn what each of your children’s love languages are.  It is so important that you understand your children so that you can be there for them in the ways that they need you to be.  One person in the book mentioned that every person they had met that lived on the streets did not feel love from their parents.  This statement alone gave me a big red flag.  This is serious stuff!  Some parents may say they show their love by providing a roof over their heads and food on the table.  You know, that may not be enough.  Some children need you to actually spend time with them.  Some children need that affection.  And the list goes on.

                I want to touch briefly on this affection thing with your children.  Usually mothers have no problem showing their children affection.  But when it comes to fathers showing affection, many times it’s a different story.  Dads, if you have a children whose love language is “physical touch”, I could care less if you think you are too macho or if you feel it is the mother’s place, not yours.  You need to bend down and hug your child.  Let them know that you care too.  There are TOO many girls that do not get that love from their fathers and they do go looking for that love other places.  And too many times, it’s in the arms of another man. (And I think we all know where that can lead.)

                I mentioned earlier about the fairy-tales, Twilight and Disney princess stuff.  There are so many people who love “love”.  In fact, some of us are quite infatuated with it!  We live in the romance novels, the “love” quizzes, the love songs.  Many times, because that is what we want to feel.  We want what is in those forms of media.  But here is the thing, we love “love”, but we don’t know or understand “love”.  Love is not necessarily your heart melting, or the butterflies in your stomach, or anything like that.  Those feelings can accompany love, but they don’t dictate whether or not it is love.

                Gary Chapman talks about there being two stages of love.  The “Obsessive Stage of Love” and the “Covenant Stage of Love”.  I’ve heard the first stage also referred to as the “honeymoon stage” and that’s actually a pretty accurate stage.  You’re always gushing over your love and you always want to be with your love.  I’ve heard a lot of people knock this stage and call it childish or whatever else they choose to call it.  Guess what?  It’s normal.  This is a completely normal stage that typically lasts 2 years!  Who would’ve knew!  But the thing is, that stage doesn’t last forever and if you plan on your love lasting forever, you will have to work at it.  Know how to love your significant other.  If you are unwilling to work on your love, the relationship is destined to fail.

I know I personally want to be that old couple that you see in the store holding hands.  Or the old couple sitting on the front porch together every morning.  That is my dream for me and my spouse someday.  But for that to happen, I’ll have to put forth some effort in our relationship.  I am determined that if effort is put forth into any relationship, it will succeed.  No matter what happens, no matter who has done any wrong, if you work together, I believe that it can and will last.  To do this, we have to listen.  We have to be able to speak their love language to them, and not just speak our own.  It all comes down to sort of a selflessness.  And I believe that if you truly love someone, you will be willing to be selfless.

(Again, here are the questions to ponder from the chapter.  Maybe right these down.  If you are single, do it alone or with a friend or parent.  If you are in a dating relationship, do it with your significant other.  If you have children, you could even discuss them with your children.  And again, feel free to share your answers if you so desire.)

1.        Which of your relationships do you consider to be healthy?

2.       Which of your relationships would you like to see improved?

3.       How would you describe your relationship with your mother?  Your father?

4.       In dating relationships, how many times have you experienced “Stage One: Obsessive/Passionate Love”?

5.       Were you able to make the transition to “Stage Two: Covenant Love”?  Why or why not?

6.       Are you willing to invest time in learning to speak the five love languages?

7.       All your relationships spring from the relationship with your parents.  How have you seen this to be true in your life?

8.       We often believe love is simply something that “happens to you”.  In what ways is this true?  In what ways is this not true?

The Five Love Languages Quest-Chpt. 1- 12/5/2010

                Recently in my life, “love is in the air”.  I’m beginning to make some big decisions, think some things through, and have learned to welcome love, and to love once again.  One of the steps that I wanted to take to learn to love again was to read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, but I was unable to get my hands on a copy until recently.  As I am reading through the book I will share my thoughts with you and maybe help you along in learning your love language too.

                When I said “learning your love language”, some of you may be wondering what I am talking about.  In “The Five Love Languages” book, there are (obviously) 5 different qualities, that you could say, that would define each of us in how we need to be loved.  What kind of love means the most to us and is essentially the love that we need.  Those 5 “love languages” are,

1.        Words of Affirmation

2.       Gifts

3.       Acts of Service

4.       Quality Time

5.       Physical Touch

Online, at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/ you can take an assessment of what “love language” you are.  It will rank the “love languages” for you based on your answer, giving a total for each.  I was honestly surprised at how accurate the assessment was and would greatly encourage each of you to take that assessment.

                When I first began dating my boyfriend, I couldn’t understand how we got along so well.  We were total opposites in some ways (no, not all opposites attract, sorry) and even lived in different worlds in other ways.  The only things we really had in common were that we both came from large families and we both love children.  Shawn comes from a very affectionate family, while mine isn’t so much.  Shawn was into sports while he was in school, I was more into music.  Shawn is more patient and laid back, while I am quite impatient and always in a hurry.  Then once we both took the “5 love languages” assessment, it all made sense.  It all made sense why we both would get upset when we couldn’t see each other for weeks (yes, the move to Texas was really hard on us both).  It all made sense why we feel like we need that alone time to talk things out and just relax together.  The top love language for both of us is… “quality time”.  Now that we both know this, we understand that we DO need that time together and there is a reason why we get upset when we don’t have that time.  It is a necessity for our relationship to survive, and most likely the reason why it has survived so far.  We have always tried to make a point to be there for each other and I am thankful that we have both tried to put forth that effort.

                Did you know that within 5 years of a marriage, 20% of them end in divorce?  Or that within 10 years, 30% of them end in divorce?  Or yet still that at 15 years, 43% of marriages end in divorce?  To me, that statistics are so scary.  My parents were divorced not too long after their 15^th anniversary, and many of my aunts and uncles have been divorced.  This scares me, but at the same time, it pushes me to be the exception.  Shawn and I have talked a lot on the subject of divorce (his parents are divorced as well) and have decided that divorce will NOT ever be even an option for us.  And I believe that we will make it with God in the center of our relationship and with all the literature out there for married couples, there is a lot of ideas and support to keep divorce out of our vocabulary. 

                One point that chapter one made was that we are all so able and eager to learn the “language of technology”, but we aren’t so much willing to study the “language of love”.  As I think about it, that is so true.  You get a new gadget and we will spend countless hours learning about it, playing with it, and showing it off.  So, why can’t we, or won’t we, do that with love?  In psychology you learn that love is a “learned response, a learned emotion”, but yet we expect it to just be a part of us.  We expect it to be automatic or to even just fall at our feet.  We try to “fall in love”, but I honestly think that we don’t even know what love looks like.  We think we have a picture of what it is (you know, the stereotypical knight in shining armor on a white horse, right?), but even if love finds us, we have no clue how to handle it or even the person who is giving it. 

                For those of you who are seeking love, I think this would be a great book to check out.  Before you get into a relationship you have to learn how to love or else that relationship is going to turn into lust or it will fail.  For those of you who don’t like to read or can’t get your hands on a copy of the book for some reason, I will write these little (or not so little) blurbs about points that I found important in the book along with my thoughts.  So, I challenge you, my friends to join me on this 14 day quest to learn about ourselves, and about love.

(The book comes with questions at the end of each chapter and other questions for each chapter in the back.  I will post questions from the book so that you made ponder them or even respond if you feel lead to or brave enough to.  Enjoy!)

1.        To what degree do you feel loved by the significant people in your life?

2.       Have you been a friend to someone in need?  How did you express your love?

3.       How successful have you been in giving and receiving emotional love?

4.       How strongly do you agree with the quote that, “Much of the pain in broken relationships in our world stems from the truth that many of us in Western culture have never been serious students of love”?

5.       Chapter 1 describes love as a “learned emotion”.  What is something specific you could do this week to become a better student in showing love to others?

6.       CHALLENGE: Take some time this week to list people who have shown significant love toward you during your lifetime.  What common themes can you identify from your list?  Also, write or call one person from your list to thank him or her for the difference this love made to you.

Sex 101- Part 1- Written in summer '10 (Pre-requisit for post labeled "part 2")

(Now I’m wondering how many of you clicked on this note just because of the title.  But don’t worry, you haven’t been fooled.  I really am going to talk about sex in this note.)

                Things have been happening lately that have made me stop and think about some things, especially concerning relationships.  So… sex.  You know, sex is really a beautiful thing that was actually ordained by God.  It is a pleasure that he gave us to have.  Something that binds a man and a woman together.  In having sex, that man and woman become one.  So now as I’m writing this I think, sex is like a marriage ceremony.  An action to show that two people have become one.  (And yes… two people do become one.  You become joined together… literally)  (oh no!  I probably just freaked someone out!... eh, get over it.)  Ok so here’s a couple points I want to make on this topic.

1.        Something that was so beautifully created by God for our pleasure has been turned into something so dirty and perverse.  Why?  I mean, the media shows us this passionate mess of fake emotions and empty love.  It’s like sex has become a drug or alcohol to some.  Going thru a hard time?  SEX!  Whoohoo!  Cure all!  And idk, to me personally, the sex that the media portrays seems so dirty and pornographic!  I mean, the sex that we have come to know is one that (for many of us) can’t imagine our grandparents (or maybe even parents) doing!  How could such (in some cases) old-fashioned people done something so sleezy?  (I mean married or not here too!)  They didn’t!  Hollywood has made sex sleezy when really it’s a very beautiful thing!

2.       Ok, ya’ll ready for this point?  (Yeah, all you sissy’s should probably just stop reading here.  This might be too much for you to handle.)  Ok, so you know how I said earlier about how sex makes two people become one?  (Don’t try to argue it…)  Here’s my thing… SOME PEOPLE ARE BECOMING ONE WAYYYY TOO EARLY!!!  Most middle schooler’s are not ready for marriage… so WHY ARE THEY HAVING SEX?  It’s the same thing in a way.  The emotions are the same!  I mean, a lot of high schoolers aren’t even ready!  Ulg, I really wish some people would think about these things.  And you know how many relationships are being built on physical intimacy?!?  WAY TOO MANY!  Take out all that physical stuff and hey, you might be able to build a real relationship!  (I know… too tough a challenge for many of you.  Wanna show ur strong?  King of the world?  Try manning it up and waiting for that “one”.)

Ok, last thing I was thinking about.  Unfaithfulness.  If someone is going to be unfaithful… there is nothing you can do to stop it.  No matter how many times you have sex with them, or how well you treat them, or how much you bribe them… they’re gonna cheat!  Ok, so I have this theory.  Instead of killing yourself trying to be perfect, and trying to please them physically constantly (and then feeling you aren’t good enough when they leave you), try leaving the physical stuff out.  If a person can stay with you (and NOT cheat on you) when there is no sex, then hey… you might actually be on to something!  If that person will stay with you, that means that they most likely LOVE you.  …and love ALL of you, not just your body.

Have I been harsh in this note?  Maybe.  I’m just tired of people getting hurt.  I know I can’t make decisions for you, and I know that many of you will probably ignore most of what I said because you think it’s just my opinion and that you know better.  (Which if you think that and your methods have only led to hurt before, then I might have to say… TIME TO TRY ANOTHER METHOD!)  Sex should be with the person that you want to become one with because when you have sex, your body are not only joining as one, so are your hearts.  You may think a one night stand isn’t going to affect your heart, but if anyone out there can prove that to me, then hey, I’m all ears!  Idk, most of all I just want all to respect yourselves, and respect sex!  Keep it beautiful!

Sex 101-Part 2--12/3/2010

A while back I wrote a little blurb about sex.  (I’ll post it so you can read it if you want)  Since I wrote that blurb, I’ve learned even more about sex, what it’s meant for, and what it can do to and for you.  Just yesterday a friend asked on facebook if people thought teenagers should have sex.  This question really got me thinking, and tonight I want to lay out some of those thoughts.

As I stated in my “Sex 101-Part 1” note, sex is a beautiful thing.  But… as I have learned more, sex can also be very hurtful and damaging to a person if participate too soon.  Sex leaves a person with a strong connect, whether we want to admit it or not.  As I talked about in part 1, it makes “two become one”.    But in this little blurb, I want to be open and explain the negative effects of sex.

Once you have had sex once, you will want it again… and again… and again.  It is literally addicting.  It clouds your mind and in some cases, can take over your thoughts.  Some people try to deal with the vicious cycle by masturbating.  In my opinion, masturbating is not any better.  I know this is off topic here a bit, but masturbating only keeps the vicious cycle going.  (Honestly it is better to train your mind and wean yourself off if needed, not keep teasing and taunting your mind.  Eventually masturbating will not be enough and you will be back at square one.)

Another point that I have, I will illustrate using a scenario.  Jill meets Jack.  Jack and Jill become sexually involved.  Jack leaves Jill for the old lady in the shoe.  Jill has already given her heart and body to Jack.  What ever will she do?  Jill becomes depressed and decides to go and look for love.  But as she is looking for love, she has also locked her heart away so it will not get hurt again.  In this numb search for love, Jill begins to see that she can use her body as a tool.  It’s a power that she has over the other men.  She begins to aimlessly throw herself at other guys and begins to feel her “self-esteem” rise because now SHE is in control, and no one can hurt her this way.Here is the problem with this.  Though Jill may not see it at the time, Jill has made choices that are going to have a lasting effect on her.  She may feel that she is safe and in control, but really, she is only hurting herself more and more.  She may feel that her self-esteem is rising, but really, it’s plunging to an all time low.  Many times, individuals who are in Jill’s place (can be a guy or girl), will not begin to see these effects until they have found themselves in a serious relationship, or until something tragic happens.  That is when it all sinks in.  And believe me, it’s not pretty.

I wish I could let each of you see my heart right now.  I wish you could feel the urgency.  I know that I can’t make the decision for you, but I hope that you have at least heard me out.  Every day I regret the fact that I can’t tell my boyfriend that I saved all of me for him.  Every day I wonder how much it would’ve meant to him for me to be able to tell him, “I saved all of me for you because YOU are the best”!

Sex is not for children.  (I don’t mean ages 1-12 children.  I mean anyone who treats sex lightly.)  Sex is for those who are mature.  And if you are mature, you will have sex when it is appropriate.  I don’t believe that there is an age or age group when sex does become acceptable, (though there is such thing as sex being used too young.  A 12, 13 or even 14 year old has no business having sex because most likely, they aren’t married.) but I do believe there is a maturity level where sex is not appropriate.  You all know the lasting effects that sex can have.  We’ve all been taught that sex can lead to STD’s and babies.  Both of which will change your life forever.  So unless you know how to respect sex, you have no business having it.  You should be able to respect yourself and your partner enough to not even go there ultimately until you are married.  Once you are married, babies are no longer a tragedy.  They are a blessing.  (I personally do not believe that babies are ever a tragedy, but I do believe it is a tragedy that babies have to be brought into this world or killed because it’s parents bad decisions.)

How to wind this down?  Stop and think before you do all the physical stuff.  One thing can lead to another and before you know it, your life has changed one way or another.  I can’t go back and change my past, but if I can save someone else from the heartbreak that I have endured, I will do EVERYTHING in my power to do so.  Sex is beautiful, but demands respect.  If you can’t give it that, you have no business having it.

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4)

There's Not Only One- 12/2/2010

It seems like so many of my friends are searching for “the one” for them.  And the more that I think about it, I don’t think there is a “one” for everyone.  (Why do I have the sinking feeling that I just crushed many hearts by saying that?)  But ok, get this.  God does have a plan for each of our lives, right?  I mean it says so in Jeremiah 29:11. (“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you, not to harm you.  Plans for a hope and a future.’”)  But here is the other side of things.  God also gave us free will.  (Prime example of free will in use would be Adam and Eve’s choice to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.)  When God says He has plans for us, I believe that He is saying that if we are in His will that He does have all these wonderful plans for us.  And one part of those plans is to spend eternity with Him!

If God chose someone for each of us, many of us would get “screwed over”.  We all know that not everyone wants to live in God’s will, and some of us will even think that we’re in God’s will, but really we aren’t.  So say that God has planned that Jack is to be will Jill.  But Jack decides to not be in the right place at the right time and Jill goes and looks for love somewhere else.  What happens then?  Jill marries someone else?  That means that Jack is without his “one” and the man that Jill ends up with has made his “one” without her “one”.  It gets complicated with all the “one” stuff going on, but hopefully you followed me.

By saying that God doesn’t choose someone for each of us, does not mean that He can’t or won’t choose someone for some of us.  But for those relationships to work out, we really have to be in tune to what God wants for us.  We have to be sensitive to His voice.

Here’s the deal.  Not to sound like a whore or something weird, I think there are many men out there who COULD be my man.  God says that we are to be equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14), and I know that there are many fellow believers out there whom I could be equally yoked to.  (Granted, this doesn’t mean I’m going to try to yoked with them all.  I am not a fan of polygamy, mind you.)

To all you people who are freaking out that you are going to miss your “chance meeting” or whatever you wish to call it with your “one”, calm down.  I honestly believe that if you truly focus on God, He will work things out to where love will just come together.  Now, I must warn you.  IF you choose to step outside of God’s will once you are with your “perfect one”, that relationship can fail.  God gave us rules and guidelines for a reason, and stepping outside of them is VERY dangerous territory.  Territory which can lead to dealing with mistakes that will haunt you for the rest of your life, like I mentioned in my last blog.

My encouragement to you is, wait.  Listen to the song “Wait for Me” by Rebecca St. James.  It is a great song!  Love will find you in God’s time if you allow it to.  Outside of God’s time, you have no idea what you may be getting yourself into.  Pray and seek what God has for you.  And when love comes along and God is in the center, you will most likely find yourself with your “perfect one”. 

(I do want to encourage those who have lost their “perfect one”.  Like I said earlier, there are many fellow believers out there who could be your “perfect one” at a different time in your life.  (Though NOT while you are with someone else, of course).  Again, just be sensitive to God’s guidance in your life.)

Yes, I said it.  I’m a pansy.  So right now before some of you start scolding me and others start agreeing (shame on you, by the way), let me explain myself.  Tonight as I was talking to a good friend who was very discouraged, I realized how much of a pansy I have been.  This realization came from recognizing some similar traits in my friend.  We want to have control of our lives, but yet, we’re sissy’s about life.

I want to start by asking, how do you deal with major issues or trials in your life?  Where do you run?  Do you literally run?  Do you cry?  Do you get depressed?  Maybe you even inflict bodily harm upon yourself?  If you answered any of these, well, not trying to be mean, but you are in the same boat as me, and many others.  You, are indeed a pansy.  Now, before you go storming off or crying, again, let me explain by using myself as an example. 

Hi, my name is Heather Reynolds, and I’m a control freak.  I want to figure things out on my own, and when I mess up, I don’t want God to have to deal with the mess.  So I create a bigger mess on my own because… I… am a pansy.  Yes, there are some things in my life that I don’t and CAN’T have control over, but I DO have control over how I react to them.  Dwelling on my mistakes or my hurts just puts me in depression, which I will now refer to as a “pansy-state”.  Holing everything up leaves me in a “pansy-state”.  So now all you very insulted people are wondering, what do you do to NOT be in a “pansy-state”?  Glad you asked!!!

Many people view giving their heartaches, their pains, their mistakes to God as them saying they are too weak to handle things on their own.  Guess what, they’re right.  We are all TOO weak to handle so many burdens on our own!  But I have to ask you, would you rather live your life hurting AND being weak?  Or would you rather acknowledge your weakness, give it all to God, and gain strength thru Him?

God is our heavenly Father.  He watches over us, tries to guide us, and is always there for us.  He sent His ONLY son to carry the biggest burden known to man! The burden of sin.  (How ironic it is that most of our burdens are from our sins)  Do you think that God cannot handle the heartache of you?  Or maybe the brokenness of you?  One song that keeps popping into my mind right now is the song “Cares Chorus” that goes

“I cast all my cares upon You.  I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet.  And anytime that I don’t know what to do, I just cast all my cares upon You.”

You see, we have such an amazing, wonderful God!  He is so selfless in that He will take everything off of our shoulders!  Will your life be totally carefree with God?  No.  Sorry.  Life with God isn’t like a Disney fairytale.  There are people who will persecute you.  I don’t mean that everyone is going to become a martyr, but  you could be persecuted for how you talk, or things you don’t do because they are not pleasing to God.  But I personally think that is a minor consequence considering what could be the punishment for not living in according to how God wishes us to.

I know some people want to find a way to totally forget the past and it not come bother them again.  Sorry, it won’t happen.  If you have made a mistake, there is always a chance that part of the mistake will haunt you for the rest of your life.  That’s just the price we pay for free choice (and our stupidity).  God can forgive us and help us to forgive ourselves, yes.  But sometimes, we just have to live with what we’ve done.  Hopefully those painful reminders will help us to not make that stupid mistake again.

Anyways, my challenge to you is, QUIT BEING A PANSY!  Lose your pride (now the song “Pride Away” by Jeremy Camp is playing in my head).  Be willing to give everything to God and let Him handle everything!  Then you don’t risk making more a mess of your life.

“Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them out of their distress.”  (Psalms 107:6)